Welcome to Perfected in the Mess!

For the past year or so, I’ve felt the Holy Spirit move in my life in specific ways. I’ve felt pointed towards good books, connected to great friends, and heard words of encouragement when I needed them the most. I’ve felt encouraged to write things down; not that I acted on this or anything! I felt Him saying you should write that down, and at different times my family members and friends encouraging me to write as well. But each time I felt led to write things down, the negative self-talk would kick in, “Who are you to write?” “What experience do you have that is worth reading about?” “Why would you want to do that?”  I hid these desires in my heart away from others’ reactions.

Shortly after my father’s passing I felt a moment of courage. I was reading in bed, my husband was streaming “Vikings,” because “Game of Thrones” isn’t on yet. I turned to him, and said, “So I think I want to write, but not like be a writer, like who am I to write, right?” This man paused his show and turned to me, and with all seriousness he engaged in a conversation about this little dream that I had not dared to speak about. He encouraged me, he helped me to organize my thoughts, and he challenged me to sit down and write. Even if these words go nowhere, I know that the process will be healing for my soul. I hope you find them interesting and comforting too. 

The topics that are blinking on neon signs in my brain are loss, how to recover, and growth in Christ.  In my thirties I’ve cared for and lost both of my parents in the span of 4 years. I’ve watched loved ones battle depression and unemployment.  I have witnessed family fights. And I have lived with guilt over things I couldn’t control and over things I certainly could.  I see and feel the difference in how I dealt with each time of crisis. I learned how to stay connected with the people I do life with even when circumstances have me primed for irritation.  I’ve gotten the hang of how to give grace, and how to RECEIVE grace in times that are so hard. I have gained the ability to ask my friends to pray when I couldn’t find the words because I was so disappointed in my circumstances.

I am not an expert on how to do this! If anything, I hope you can read about how I did it and decide how you might do it differently.  I hope that these pages can help you to find humor in the midst of tough moments . Remember that often times our emotions will mislead us.  I pray that if you, my sweet friend, find yourself in a trying time, that your first reaction isn’t to isolate yourself, but rather to press in to the fold of the people who love you.  Isolation is a tough thing to come out of; it’s a dark place full of deception. I’ve learned that people, especially your people, want you to be good…they want you to thrive and they want to be a part of your journey. Let them in.