So Many Words

Do you ever think about how others talk about you when you are not around?  What do they say? I hope words they use are similar to: kind, generous, positive, never talks bad about others. But when I look at my life, I think about my interactions and question if my actions and words would lead people to describe me this positively.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not vicious with my words, but I am a people-pleaser.  So, my attempts, using MANY WORDS, to make one person feel better might inadvertently include putting someone else down. Never my original intent, and so frustrating in retrospect!  The phrase diarrhea of the mouth may be appropriate.

People have complimented my husband to me that he never says a negative word about anyone. To me this is one of the highest praises a person can receive. It implies self-control, a tamed tongue, and general kindness.  I so badly want that to be a description of me! Truthfully, I don’t deserve it. 

I’ve had this same stumbling block in my walk with the Lord for my lifetime. In order to stay on top of this weakness I often ask myself the following question:

Am I reflecting His love when I interact with people?

As a person with MANY words, I find that I am susceptible to talking way too much.  Especially to fill awkward pauses or silences in conversation, or to make someone else feel better. Recently I was in a conversation with friends, and another woman came up in our discussion.  In an attempt to comfort my friend who felt attacked by this other woman, I shared that this other woman’s issue may have nothing to do directly with her, but rather that she may just be a casualty of proximity. It would have been great to end there, but I expanded, and EXPANDED, and EXPANDEDon the reasons why this might be the case. By the end of the conversation I felt so guilty. What had started out as a way to encourage a friend had become a negative narrative about the other woman.  I was sickened by my words.

You see its never my intention to speak negatively or put someone in a negative light, but it happens more than I care to admit. I cry out to the Lord, “When will I be the person I want to be?” I’m tired of falling short in this area. I don’t like feeling like I’ve just put someone down in order to make someone else feel better. This doesn’t make sense! When will I get it? 

The bible is clear about the power of words.  In Proverbs 18:21, the writer tells us:

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

My words can breathe life into a weary friend, while bringing death to another, in the same conversation.  This is no way to behave.  Here I am a professing disciple of Christ, yet I don’t have control over my tongue.  Later in the bible, the book of James tells us: 

“Sometimes it (the tongue) praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! (3:9-11)

So what do I do? I need to keep my words few and when I find myself talking too much, I need to tell myself to walk away.  I also need you my friends to be like, “Kayla…too many words sister!” Praying daily for my heart to change will change the words that come from it, Luke 6:45 

“What you say flows from what is in your heart.”

I don’t want poisoned words in my heart. I want to be an encouragement to all, and not at the expense of others. The Lord has given me the women in my life for a reason.  Surely that reason is not to talk about them in a negative way regardless of my intent. Furthermore, when people interact with me, my hope is that they see what is different about me. Not a similarity with those who gossip about one another.  The difference I hope they see is a kindness and love that only comes from Christ.  I have a long way to go.  

Currently, I’m reading Letters to the Church, by Francis Chan. One of my friends was reading it and feeling challenged on many levels.  It sounded interesting so I decided to buy it and join in on the reading.  Within the first couple of chapters I was brought to tears.  I saw myself so clearly as someone who can take a sledge hammer to the body of Christ each time I use my words in a negative way. Chan tells the reader that each time we talk negatively about someone, criticize another, or say we just can’t get along with another person we need to remember what Jesus has done for them.  He loved them enough to lay down His own life for their salvation.  Who are we to cheaply criticize someone that Christ loves so deeply?   

Clearly, the Lord continues to give me opportunities to practice using fewer words, and the words I do use should be laced with kindness. So, I challenge you too, to remember who we represent when we converse with others. The words we use have the ability to set us apart from others. Let us see each conversation as an opportunity to show love to others!